I spent a lot of time as a teenager designing levels for Half-Life 1, and I’ve been uploading some old screenshots to Flickr recently.

These screenshots chart my progress as I learnt Half-Life’s map editor and engine, and show the gradually more complicated architecutre, lighting and texturing I created with each obsessive re-design.

This is most clearly demonstrated in the ever changing corridor from my aborted Sven Co-Op map, which starts looking like this:

And finishes looking like this:

There are many more horrible examples of arbitrary architecture below, and I’ve written a little about what I remember from each map. Also, as a treat: scans of scribbly ideas scribbled on crumpled paper.

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It’s tempting to pussyfoot around with weasel words such as ‘among’, ‘could be’ and ‘we said the same thing two issues ago, twice’, but no. Look at the screenshots. This is awe-inspiring, and not in a lazy, misapplied superlative kind of way; I mean that it causes mixed emotions of reverence, respect, dread and wonder, as inspired by great beauty.

Crysis is so beautiful, in fact, that when picking screenshots for this post I chose two that contain no enemies or explosions.

My review is now online.

The Simpsons Movie makes certain assumptions, chief amongst which is a belief that its audience is already in love with its characters. The result is a film unburdened by exposition. There’s no attempt to snappily re-introduce the Simpson family, nor an effort to remind the viewer what made their world great when the show started in 1989. Instead, the film opens with a scene from the Itchy and Scratchy Movie, though it’s never labelled as such. It’s a reference you’re only going to get if you’re familiar with the television series.

This is unfortunate. I am deeply familiar with The Simpsons (the first ten seasons, at least), but the show hasn’t been funny in a long time. I was hoping that the movie would be re-invigorating, or at least that it would have some energy. Instead I got entirely what I expected: a gentle comedy that rests upon the laurels of the TV show circa 1995.

Why does the movie exist? The easy answer would be to say, “Cash-in.” But they’ve resisted doing a film for eighteen years. It’s not like they tried to capitalise on momentary hype and rushed this thing out the door.

Normally, to justify a movie adaptation of a present-day TV show, you raise the stakes and make use of a larger budget. Everything is bigger and more dramatic. Now the whole city is in danger! The whole planet! Lives are torn asunder!

But The Simpsons is an animated show, free from the constraints of a regular live-action budget. The town has been on the verge of destruction fifty times before.

The film isn’t even terrible, just ten years too late. There is nothing more that can be said with these characters. There is nothing more we can learn about them that we don’t already know, and no personal drama they can experience that we haven’t already seen. Marge leaves Homer four times a season. It doesn’t raise the tension to have it happen again, especially when it’s such a hopeless piece of schmuck-bait to begin with. Everything in the film has been done, in some form, in the television series.

Attempts at social satire fall equally flat. Having Arnold Schwarzenegger be the US President is hardly a witty or original comment. But Schwarzenegger as portrayed in the movie looks and sounds exactly like Rainier Wolfcastle/McBain, The Simpsons’ frequently used lampoon of Schwarzenegger-style action stars. So why not just have Wolfcastle be President? The joke would be the same and it would it actually make sense.

This is all too unsurprising to be a disappointment.

There remain plenty of amusing gags. Nothing laugh-out-loud funny, no moments you’re lilkely to be quoting to your friends. But it might make you smile, and it might make you chuckle. Unfortunately, this will happen a lot less if you happen to have a good memory for inane details. You’ll be too busy noticing all the similarities to the show.

I’ve listed some of those similarities below, with appropriate screengrabs from series and film. Naturally, this means there are massive spoilers.

This was all done from memory. Pity me.

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via Your Daily Awesome.

Professor Longhair isn’t my favourite New Orleans pianist, but I’m beginning to think I haven’t been listening to the best of him.

The more modern and slightly more jazz-focused Henry Butler appeals to me more. He also gets extra points for apparently having his photography displayed in galleries, despite being blind since birth.

Hit the play button below for “Butler’s Boogie” from his album Blues After Sunset.

Shoko Tendo is 39-years-old, the daughter of a Yakuza gang member and the author of a best-selling memoir, “Yakuza Moon.” In her youth she was sexually abused, and became a drug-addicted gang-member and prostitute. She has tattoos that cover almost her entire body.

She has had an interesting life. Reuters have a story about the changing face of the Yakuza in Japan, with Tendo’s insights included within.

Craig and I headed to Waterstone’s at midnight, struck by the idea that it would be fun to join in on the pop cultural event Harry Potter has become. Bath being a relatively small city, we figured that there would be maybe ten other people there. We’d go in, get our books and head home within twenty minutes.

Instead, we were buoyed to find other people had the same idea. Hundreds of people, in fact, as kids, teenagers and adults all queued outside the store. Some were in costume, most weren’t, but all seemed excited and happy.

I can understand people disliking or hating the books. But the enthusiasm and joy they inspire in people ought to be celebrated more, and treated with less derision. The crowd generated an atmosphere of unabashed giddiness, and although we returned without queing ourselves, it was worth it for this alone. I feel embiggened by it.

Prison inmates in the Philippines practice their re-enactment of Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” video. 1500 zombies stumble around and then, at once, break in to immaculately choreographed dance. It’s performed by the population of the Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center, and I love every single one of them.

Even better: They’ve done more, including Radio Ga Ga by Queen.

This is the new best thing on the internet, and maybe the world. No one ought to be sad or jaded ever again.

via ectoplasmosis.

The Contemporary Art of Sang Won Sung:

via otomano.

Shorpy, the 100-year-old photo blog, has been posting consistently excellent stuff recently. Larger versions of these pictures are available on the site, along with hundreds more.

Brooklyn Bridge: c. 1915:

The First Woman Jury:

Beach Policeman, 1922:

“Bill Norton, the bathing beach policeman, measuring the distance between knee and bathing suit on woman in Washington, D.C. Col. Sherrell, the Superintendent of Public Buildings and Grounds, issued an order that bathing suits at the Washington bathing beach must not be over six inches above the knee.”

Others of recent interest:

Cartoonist Michael Fleming is gradually drawing an alphabet of Star Wars characters. He’s done A through H so far.

B is for Bantha:

via Drawn.

More work from Michael Fleming.